Corporal Grumpy

It's going to be very hard to get a picture of him, as he only comes out to harass innocent residents at night.

Name: Corporal Grumpy (AKA Paul Michaels, Dwayne Smith)

"Phone Number:" 916-870-1790 (Northern Cal securities)

Office: Greystone Silverstone apartments complex

Personality: Very grumpy and unnecessarily rude. He goes by many aliases. He is employed by Northern Cal securities. He seems to take pleasure in being as blatantly rude to Greystone residents as possible, and he has a power complex. Generally, all you have to do is refuse to give him any information about yourself and shrug it off. He'll get very upset and start demanding things of you which he has no legal right or authority to demand. Sam, Ben, and Kenji had a run-in with him two years ago while they were having a grand 'ol time fighting with water guns in Sam's apartment. This is where the name Corporal Grumpy originated. A link to the story will be posted soon.

Around the same time, NxTx and some friends (Deanna, Tay, and Matty) were hot tubbing in Greystone when he approached them and started threatening to report them to Student Judicial Affairs. They laughed believing that Student Judicial Affairs has no authority outside of, well, SCHOOL ¹.

A couple months ago, Sam and NxTx had a second run-in with him. NxTx was waiting for Sam in his truck in the Greystone parking lot when he was approached by Cpl. Grumpy. He rudely told NxTx to not block the circulation of the parking lot, though it was exactly what Cpl. Grumpy was doing since he had pulled along side NxTx's car. NxTx asked "Well what the fuck are you doing?" That's when Cpl. Grumpy got really pissed and got out of his car and slipped in a feeble attempt to charge at NxTx's car. NxTx was then told to leave the premises and never to return, so he drove off around the corner and circled back to pick up his lovely girlfriend, Sam. He picked her up and told her what had just gone down so they, together, approached Cpl. Grumpy. He asked Sam if she lived there and then, in what apartment she lived. She of course laughed and refused to answer, as both his demands and demeanor were ridiculous.

You will know if you come across him, because he is creepy looking and extremely rude. Don't sweat it and don't give him any information about yourself. He's a security guard with a complex and he can't do anything...especially if you're not doing anything wrong in the first place!

2005-03-25 19:04:23   Right about footnote...and hot tubbing after hours definitely does not count as "truly heinous" —SamanthaWagner

2007-08-30 12:44:29   I'm so glad I found this. Our run in with Cpl. Grumpy was quite the experience. We were in the hot tub after hours and he came in threatening our academis careers as well!! We knew there's absolutely nothing he could do but left without argument because it would obvously be worthless. However, when we were leaving, we walked past his car (little 4-door saturn reading "Canine Unit Security" along the sides) which contained a very irate, very intimidating, rottweiler. The back of the car was bouncing as the jumping dog was barking and pacing across the back seat. It was scary bacause it was such a small car which seemed to have a hard time controlling that dog. I felt bad for it. Animal Cruelty, I say. —nikki

2007-08-30 12:54:52   May I ask why this is a public page and why this entry needs to exist in the first place, it looks like one large attack ad. —SteveOstrowski

2009-08-19 05:34:19   I had a run-in with him a couple weeks ago, someone had parked in my spot for the hundreth time, so I decided to call the towing company, unfortuantly they require a lease with the parking space as proof. I explained that I had the parking decal with the parking spot number on it and they said it was okay and they would come over to take a look. That is, until Cpl. Grumpy got on the phone and adamantly explained to the towing company that Greystone parking decals didn't have the parking number on it, which is completely FALSE. Clearly he is blind. Anyway, so Cpl. Grumpy said to just park in the front area. I explain to him that the front is completely full, but the green employee only area is free and if it would be okay if I could just park there until the car moves, he says it's all right so long as my car is moved before 6 a.m. So a couple hours later I come out and there is a notice on my car saying if I park there again I will be towed. WTF?! The guy is truly an idiot and lacks anything resembling intelligence. —Lonestar07

2010-07-20 23:31:30   I've had several encounters with this guy, I won't be living at greystone anymore due to his over the top wannabe cop attitude. It's really common knowledge he just goes around harassing and intimidating people for no reason at all. DANGER!!! Stay away from him!!! He'll threaten your UCD degree and try to get you kicked out over NOTHING!!!!!

p.s. watch out he has a gun and an attack dog. what kind of apartment partol needs that???? He also patrols silverstone and other properties in town LOOK OUT FOR NORTHERN CAL SECURITIES thats who he works for! stay away from any apartment who uses that security.... —EricWilson

Footnotes

1. Although, if you are a student and caught, even off-campus, doing something truly heinous, SJA can take action against you