Vote for us; we're going to win either way!
- Jonathon Leathers
- Chad Van Schoelandt
- Chris Rood
- Yev, the most loveable mascot ever
- Alyssa '0.02 GPA' Olenberg
Some might object to Rood running, seeing as he is no longer a student, but the Elections Committee is already preparing an official statement for after the election: "It has come to our attention that one of the candidates was not properly checked for eligibility at the beginning of the election. This is an unfortunate mistake, but, well he did get all those votes so I guess we have to give him the seat, because if the elections committee would have just told him he wasn't a student at in the beginning, we think he would have enrolled and would have been eligible and still won."
The Elections Committee Slate is not to be mistaken for SOSSS
- Maintain the disenfranchisement of graduate students, which is one reason why Brent Laabs cannot run on their slate.
- Official ASUCD Voting Machines by Diebold: ChristopherMcKenzie has been declared their official liaison to Diebold
- While SOSSS encouraged people to vote in a particular order, this slate wants to mandate ranking orders for all voters, and make voting compulsory. Except for Brent. He still can't vote.
- Transform ASUCD into an explicit Kleptocracy, and purchase an Elections Committee Kleptoc-mobile.
- A huge raise for Alex Park and the rest of Creative Media, because "its not who votes that counts, it who counts the votes."
- Replace Sword and Sandals with Freemasonry as the official secret society of ASUCD. There were at least 15 US Presidents who were Masons; how many were in Sword and Sandals? Their official representative to the Masons is BarnabasTruman.
AlyssaOlenberg: "It's particularly hard in this position."
George Andrews: "This is like the worst thing I've seen!"
Thomas Lloyd: "Damnit, time for another closed session."
Joseph Harney: "Very amusing."
RobRoy: "It's illegal!"
PaulHarms: "I think it's funny. Nothing amuses me more than corruption"
KenBloom (who we contacted by AIM): "wham!!!!! my speaker volue was up way too high. you scared me."
MargotParfitt: "Twiggy is the farthest thing from sexy"
AlyssaOlenberg: fucking awesome
TravisGrathwell: "so is this supposed to be funny or what because it kindof isn't"
RobRoy: "It would make a good Saturday Night Live skit."
thomaslloyd: "I kinda went to a Elections Committee meeting once- maybe he should include my name in his up and comming rap video and I guess that will mean I'm on this slate too!"
EMOSNAIL*: "The staff here at Emosnail would like to recognize that this ingenius act of satire brilliantly combines parallels to current events with extreme hilarity. We therefore would like to award this satire with the highest honours, The Sacred Order of Trogdor ... This of course does not in any way constitute an endorsement of the intended political implications of the satire or the political goals of persons associated with it."
*as per the EMOSNAIL user agreement, the slate will upon election pass a resolution "proclaiming the unequaled beauty of Miss Kristy Heidenberger."
Rafi Alimahomed: "I'm a bad little boy"
The "Notes" section explains it all — as long as you know that it's in the context of the Fall 2005 ASUCD Election/Unqualified Candidates Scandal.
Hey- according to Chad, I kinda went to a Elections Committee meeting once- maybe he should include my name in his up and comming rap video and I guess that will mean I'm on this slate too! -TL
Ooh ooh can I run? Can I? Huh? —BarnabasTruman